Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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