she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
