i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize