Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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