Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
