he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
