just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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