Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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