Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
