i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Less talking, more tequila
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You may now shotgun with the bride
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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