final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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