WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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