You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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