So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
