every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
