The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
