You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
