I'm drive I can fine osifer
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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