lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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