those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
