I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
