I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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