Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ugly people sure do ruin things
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
