i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
