I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
