woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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