when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
