I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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