Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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