i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
