i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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