I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
