I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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