I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
