i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
