New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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