I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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