i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
