in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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