just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
