Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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