I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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