Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
