I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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