i barfeds in our rink
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
