I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize