No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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