I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
