mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
