Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
