Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
