I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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