I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
