I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
