final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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