Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
