What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
