i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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