i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
