last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
