pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
