you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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