This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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