I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
