Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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