I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
