i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
