You're my little dorito
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
