I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
