Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think my tv is drunk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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