Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
