And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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