so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
