the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
