I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
