I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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