Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
