Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
