I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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