Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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