I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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