Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
