nut hugger
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
