just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He shit in the fireplace
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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