That's intense
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
