she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
