Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
