He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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