just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
