i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
