Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Quick, to the slutcave!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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