i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sober January is a disaster.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize