wakey wakey hands off snakey
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize